Why Was "Private Benjamin" Ever Nominated For Oscars!?

My eight year old self knew something wasn't right.

I first saw Private Benjamin in 2007, I mean, 1995. Pick tomorrow to start lying about your age, OK! I shall tell myself.

Mini me didn't like it much. She thought it was OK. Not bad. Not good. It had its moments.

In 1995, I wore glasses. I was brunette with auburn highlights, though lighter than now. I liked playing on my little Casio keyboard pretending I knew how to use it. Movies and music were my things and the only thing that made life right was an amazing grilled cheese.

December 2017. After years of shunning glasses, I now often wear them. My hair, though sometimes dyed over to mask the brassyness that reddish tones get, is black auburn most of the time with strong red highlights. Unless rinsed away. Movies and music are my things. I actually now do know what to do with music. And I firmly believe the only thing worth living for is an amazing grilled cheese.

Mini me and adult me agree on Private Benjamin not being remarkable at all enough to be Oscar nominated. As always, Goldie Hawn is awesome. Awesome enough to warrant an ACADEMY AWARD! nomination though!??! Heck no. Nooooooo. How can one be nominated for this?

Want to know who else was nominated against her in Best Actress? And I'll quote Wikipedia for you young people?

Gena Rowlands for Gloria.

"Gloria is a 1980 American crime thriller film written and directed by John Cassavetes. It tells the story of a gangster's girlfriendwho goes on the run with a young boy who is being hunted by the mob for information he may or may not have."

Mary Tyler Moore for Ordinary People.

"The story concerns the disintegration of an upper-middle class family in Lake Forest, Illinois, following the death of one of their sons in a boating accident."

Ellen Burstyn for Resurrection.

"Resurrection is a 1980 film which tells the story of a woman who survives the car accident which kills her husband, but discovers that she has the power to heal other people."

And of course, Sissy Spacek for Coal Miner's Daughter, singing and acting in the life and times of the great Loretta Lynn.

Goldie Hawn being nominated for this is like Anna Faris beating Kate Winslet in 2008 for The House Bunny. No hate meant, "but yeah, like, really?!?" comes to mind. Reese Witherspoon winning for 2001's Legally Blonde against Halle Berry in Monster's Ball.

Private Benjamin was nominated for Best Screenplay and Best Supporting Actress. Will I have hair left on my head if I think some more? No. Not understanding the fan worship of this film when strip it away and it's The House Bunny for another era. Yes, I love The House Bunny. No, The House Bunny isn't Best Picture material. Private Benjamin is as mainstream-cute as one can get as a chick comedy. What next? Should we have nominated Adam Sandler for Mr. Deeds?