I had my film score style cover version of Selena Gomez's "The Heart Wants What It Wants" only 30 percent done, sitting around on my computer for about a month and a half not knowing what to do with it. I always put a piece of myself and feelings into whatever I'm working on if possible. Therefore, I knew what this had to be about one day when I was feeling a certain way. Anxiety. Neuroticism. No way could it be like the original way Selena sings it, about pining over a man or woman and not being loved properly in return.
I like to think I invented the phrase more or less, "Music is the only art form that con effectively convey two or more emotions at the same time." In my head, I'm Dr. Evil saying in the first Austin Powers how his dad invented the question mark. ;)
In this situation with this particular song cover, I dove into what I often don't like sharing with people: my worries. All the time, I feel like I have these huge career goals and portray the image of a young woman filled to the brim with confidence. I sure am that person. The other part of me is often asking, "Did I do the right thing? Is this how I need to be working to achieve the goals? Why isn't this working for me fast enough? Why do I continuously see people I've bumped into from the time I was 15 years old make it huge, yet here I am, moving along at the pace of a snail compared to them career-wise? I"m successful – why I am not successful enough yet?"
Only to go back and feel another day like, "I can't believe I rocked this. I am amazing!" Because when I feel I've done a good job on something, the natural endorphins from it are similar to a good workout. My heart feels like I'm on top of the world as the luckiest person on earth. I'm attractive. Smart. Sexy. Perfect. Something you only feel when you believe you have done a good job on whatever goal of the day it is or completing a project. Human nature builds us up to feel like this.
Although this song incorporates worries from work goals, you could listen to this and relate to it in terms of worrying, "Is he or she the right one for me? I feel so confident about this relationship. Why doesn't this feel right?"
Conflicting feelings are always a natural state of being. Hopefully, not all the time. They are good for something. Without worrying every so often about myself, I probably wouldn't do some of the things I've surprised myself accomplishing. Stress can be pretty good at times.
Of course, because on this particular afternoon I felt like I wasn't winning against my inner angst towards achieving my work goals, the song ends in a negative way like saying, "Maybe it won't be a good day after all." And yes, with a little flute section because I played flute and feel more people should incorporate flute into orchestral and film score work!
"The Heart Wants What It Wants" is available worldwide on iTunes.