Haven't done my beauty tips in ages. My website tells me, about seven(?) months. Fun times.
OK, get ready for the one that shocks people. Though, technically, my advice is aimeed at young people, anyone may care about it. Cannot believe I have to tell people whatever I am about to say as you think they should know it by now.
People approach me in line all the time at the store, mall, street, wherever for beauty tips like I'm some sort of Encyclopedia Beautyanica. Uggggh. Why. I'm far from the first female you've met.
Most popular on the FAQ...
Why I don't have wrinkles/frayed eyebrows/look like a destroyed Barbie doll head ruined by a hungry toddler. Basically the summary. As if it's shocking to see someone in America who doesn't look haggard at 30. Wow, 30 must be your death bed.
Or, I have men asking me why I'm pretty. Like Regina George. "So, you think you're pretty?" sounds like it could be next. People are shocked someone of the opposite gender is not a hag. To be fair, I'm not saying I'm pretty or unpretty. ALL women are pretty until they go around town businesses destroying their looks. Believe my advice, all women are naturally movie star attractive with makeup on, healthy hair, and working out without overdoing diet and fitness. View any old romcom high school movie and watch now any teen movie produced in this era starring lots of twentysomethings. The modern movie, most likely, has women ruining their faces with fillers, scary eyebrows, hair trends, and in general, all I'm about to discuss. The girls in the old movie may wear horrible leg warmers but otherwise appear hot by any modern standard.
And, I find this is not exclusive to me. I meet tens if not hundreds of regularly healthy, normal looking young women by now from other cities and countries who cannot understand why men in LA/NYC go crazy seeing them like they're goddesses. Because, my theory, women when they move out there after some time start destroying their looks.
Please, stay far away from spas and med spas, which are like fast food clinics where one can get nails, a face mask, lip fillers, facial fillers, eyebrow tattooing and more in one day. Indeed, you're best off gong to a daiye spa, because Derek Zoolander might tell you it's spelled like that and awesome apart from being brainwashed on the Malaysian prime minster.
I used to live right near a famous celebrity frequented spa. OK, I've lived by several in my moving around times. I'd see all kinds of people, women of all ages, entering. They looked pretty bad. A then middle aged woman I knew, a very haggard but kind lady who lived two blocks away, was a heavy drinker who swore by the spa's anti-ageing treatments. Please know, when you smoke, drink, do too many hardcore drugs, eat a diet of high fructose corn syrup over preserved pepperoni sauce daily, don't sleep, and whatever you fill in the blank with as a negative lifestyle...
None of it will go away because you visit a spa.
Or, you go in for a brow wax or micro blading eyebrow job. They always make you look weird. You look odd to any normal person and only awesome to fellow women and the select few men who do micorblading or brow waxing at spas. Like plastic surgery, brow waxing is an art most do and few really should as a business. You're best off doing DIY subtle tweezing or training yourself on a DIY brow wax.
Not kidding, please do not pluck your eyebrows into two separated circle things. Whenever I've gone into brow people, they do this. Not in well over a decade about have I agreed to see brow people. Do not think because someone has done a famous actress' brows he or she will do a good job on you. They might go out of their way for someone on TV. And, why are some of their clients on bad eyebrow beauty magazine lists if they're so good at brows? Yeah, exactly.
Fillers look really weird. I mean, please, a talk to the hand moment to anyone who thinks I or any average bystander cannot tell. Yes, we can. We don't say anything because it's downright rude. The amount of filler has nothing to do with it. The filler materials lump oddly, therefore one versus four lip fillers doesn't matter. Something's been stuffed up there. Your face looks like a flattened balloon when you inject stuff everywhere. Human eyes notice. You have a better result not dieting so restrictively. Your face will thank you.
Botox has to be the only thing that doesn't look weird when done by a professional plastic surgeon. Again, most surgeons aren't artistic enough to do it, and you have no hope going to a med spa. You don't need Botox, remember, unless you lead a bad lifestyle. Put down those trendy cocktails you drink daily. You'll be wrinkle free a lot longer. Botox is reserved for people too far gone. And, when you believe most bad celeb plastic surgery is due to Botox, it isn't. You're looking at bad eye lifts and so on. Simply a note here. :) Stop smoking. Stop making weird faces. Quit getting trashed four days out of the week on alcohol and acid. I'm not disputing how fun acid and hardcore drugs probably are. Street drugs have a solid appeal for a good reason. They DO age you badly. Your face and hairline will go. In one year, five, a decade, I don't know, one day you'll age overnight by 10-15 years compared to your peers.
If you must dye your hair at a salon, don't go with ombré. Do not do crazy hair trends. Do a solid hair color or a solid color with few highlights and lowlights specifically created for you. Before you diss this as me not being a hairdresser, I when I was 13 had the most compliments in my life when a celeb hairdresser used on film sets stopped by in town visiting family working at a local upscale mall salon. He gave me woven highlights and lowlights made just for me. I wish I'd remember his name. When I went to Florida for summer vacation, everybody asked me how I had such beautiful brunette highlights done. I quit seeing him when he moved full time to LA. He was stopping by one weekend each month to visit his wife. Or else his wife moved out there finally. Who knows. Use his theory or find a hairdresser willing to treat you like a special client because for the rate hair people charge, they should. Often, people go to someone with a big name and find out they get treated like peasants while a Jennifer Lawrence type gets the full star treatment FOR THE SAME PRICE. Come to think of it, you going to a discount salon should be treated with detail. You're paying people!
Whenever I've had the highlights beauty industry/magazine people love, everyday people including loads of department store beauty fanatics ask me why I ruined my hair. Some magazine editor may think you look awesome at the risk of you looking a whole lot less beautiful to the majority of humanity. Based on my experiences, the actual solid color of your choosing doesn't matter. Red, dark blonde, black. Get it super shiny and Rapunzel like. You don't want people staring at your hair first. You want them to think you, the overall package, are attractive. Think of the popularity of Victoria's Secret Angels with their Gisele-2004-still-standard highlights done versus dated newscaster, pageant person, realtor hair you laugh at five years later. Come on, I meet young realtors wearing 90's soccer mom do's and owning manes of matching dated color.
Unless your hair is mega thick, don't do layers. Don't. Whenever I do layers, my hair looks super thin and limp. The natural wavy texture goes out the fenster/ventana. That awful You Do You millennial slogan applies here. The automatic assumption hairdressers make is everyone needs layers. No, we don't. Layering makes some of us have thin hair and some others have mullets. My ends BREAK off a month after cutting layers to where I lose four or more inches of hair. A straight cut doesn't do this for me.
Some women are gorgeous with pixies. I'm not. A futuristic buzz. Possibly. Corporate pixie from over a decade ago, no. My great uncle used to always tell me the key to success in business is knowing your limitations. He'd say the same of beauty tips. Know your limitations. Women tend not to look good with super short hair like they do with shoulder length or longer styles.
If you must have plastic work or cosmetic dentistry done, don't go to anyone. See that guy you read about in W Magazine who only does noses/body/teeth and is booked up for six months. Or you wind up with the one size fits all ski slope nose I've seen in small towns and on everyone on the coasts. This extends to the one size fits all face they give people! I'm currently dealing with this as I want to find "the one" for a cosmetic dentist. I'll see people who leave crooked veneers because they're too lazy to straighten teeth, give beige veneers because realistic teeth aren't white *rolling my eyes at that*, leave people with pointy vampire teeth, pretty much, all you can do wrong. I have to deal with the expense and the teeth for a long time. Going to anyone because someone did so and so, no, plain no. Don't go for a discount or someone who does everything across the board. You'll get a bad result. Watch a little E! show called Botched! and see that could be you. Additionally, don't go nuts redoing your whole face and body. You will look OLDER.
Please young people, do this test. If you look like your occupation is "Instagram star," you've ruined your face. Do not do that to fit in with your new peers in the city. This look is extending out to the small towns and parts you didn't expect. Only your fellow deformed women friends will think you look good. I'm specifically in mind thinking of a young female celebrity known for her face, cough, Kylie Jenner, who's aged at least a decade if not more in three years. Please don't emulate her.
Please don't get duped into snake oil treatments at spas. Do your nails, possibly massage, and leave. A facial doesn't make you look refined, OK. No beauty product on the market gives one radiant skin. I've found a few skin creams and oils that work nicely as primers, which is not their intended use, and give you a glow makeup wise. Nothing makes you appear Photoshopped. Not ONE skincare product. Taking care of acne, oh yes. The rest, no. Stay away from dermatologists unless you need to inject a pimple, laser off a tattoo, remove skin cancer, remove a mole, that sort of procedure. Any time I've gone in to a dermatology clinic, I'll sit there and see vials of high priced counter skin cream junk sold to gullible, desperate patients who won't see a result from it. A better alternative is your healthy DIET: fruit, veggies, lots of water, protein, and not too few nor too many carbs. You have a choice how to obtain protein, via meat, seafood, or meatless. Know your protein grams and eat wisely! You won't need skin gimmicks.
People from outside the USA don't live and breathe by spa and medical treatments. Why is this the way of life for Americans? Like, really, why? I recently gave into trash TV viewing two episodes of Say Yes to the Dress. One was based in the UK; the second episode was in Georgia. The British women may have not had Photoshop perfect bodies yet overall, they were reasonably attractive where if you gave them the cover girl star treatment, they'd be hot. The American women all had bizarre eyebrows pulled apart where the eyebrows started nearly at the pupils like a highway could cut into the between space. They plucked into punctuation mark eyebrows like commas and whatever this is §. Really circled. Their skin was total sandpaper halfway to Tanning Mom from tanning beds. The makeup torturous to look at in yarn ski mask thickness. The hair like it came from 1972. Hideous fillers. Ski slope noses. Brow lifts at 32! You can't take your eyes away from the train wreck they take ruining their looks.
Know that after some time, months or a year, dyeing your brows, bleaching them, using brow tints, will cause them to fall out. I've been the victim of fallen brows enough to learn this lesson: don't mess with them! Understand that people look younger and healthier with full brows following your natural eyebrow shape. Grow them out. If you lost your brows and cannot regrow them due to an anti-depressant/thyroid problem/illness/shiitake mushroom happens, draw them in with PENCIL and makeup. Don't be fooled by the new things of the moment.
I feel like I'm going on and on. Forgive me. I want to slap a million naturally beautiful young women I see at the mall emulating Kylie Jenner or her Dashian sisters because they think she's better. The other day, I was at a department store restroom eyeing a girl with the same ombré black to blue bobbed wig, heavy makeup, dense facial fillers, lips done, Sharpie microblading eyebrows, nose job, all of it. It was purely sad. Like she was playing her in a movie but reality. I feel like we live in some science fiction universe dreamed up by the Twilight Zone where looking like a beautiful, healthy woman as you are is viewed as shocking because everyone else has changed to fit some new look. So much, when they see the young women I meet or myself, they're speechless that a young woman out in NYC is so beautiful because the fellow peers of mine who'd normally be beautiful have made themselves strange looking, almost alien like, making what used to be so common, that is an attractive healthy female, now rare. Take a look at some YouTube bloggers to see what I mean. They look like actual aliens, a few. Goodness.
Be yourself. Love yourself. If something makes you hate on yourself so much like me wanting to restraighten my teeth after braces gone wrong years ago and get veneers, do it. Please don't lose yourself in the process. And, don't go for gimmicks.