Review: Kim Kardashian Hollywood for iPhone

Review: Kim Kardashian Hollywood for iPhone

I so badly wanted to like this game, and yes, I'm farthest from being a Kim Kardashian fan. The app is really cute when you log in. Anything allowing you to adopt a spotty cat you find in the street is my kind of game. I had to turn away the cat I wanted to take because I didn't have 20 star tokens.  Oh, exactly. You're supposed to BUY them. Almost every token in this game costs too much money.

The game play would be really fun if you were able to do anything. The setup appeals to me because in real life, I've done modeling. I thought, "A game where kids and teens can play the best parts of entertainment and modeling? Cool!" 

When you get to the photo shoot, you do weird stuff that has nothing to do with modeling. You make coffee, look at negatives, and yeah, not modeling. When doing tasks at a job, you don't really see them done which sucks. You click the screen using up assorted tokens to complete the task. When you don't have enough tokens, you have to wait for the recharge or buy them. This gets tedious. Add in how the game makes you hop around town back and forth for no real purpose using bus money. Makes no sense.

I am reviewing the game with the assumption it is intended for sarcastic 8 year olds up to bored 15 year olds or possibly bored 18 year old sorority girls who don't feel like studying because in all honesty, I never studied in college without being a sorority girl. All I wanted to do was anything not relating to school. "I'm outta here!" sort of. Assuming here when your school Greek social life is packed, you really don't study.

You don't get to choose your own adventure nor role play much here, losing more points with me. Aside from the cute factor, there's nothing going on. You don't get in fights with fellow models. Not once do you try out for a job. Your character doesn't get fired from a job for something out of your control: like the time my agency sent several of us to a place where she wasn't supposed to send girls due to not paying the girls who'd modeled for the brand before. This game has no drama nor plot. Crazy when you think how Kim Kardashian created her brand on fake plots.

OK, there is a pinch of five second drama. You get to argue with a fellow it girl about you hitting on her boyfriend. 

The game charges you for clothing changes. I chose not to change and therefore, my clothes probably smell. Nobody has said anything in the time I've played. 

And, thank you app developers for allowing players to choose any sexual orientation. The game suggests your dating choices based on your pick to date men or women. The game also earns points for setting me up with a hot black guy on my first fake PR date. I honestly don't know how straight the guy was. He didn't interact much with my character. Typically, games invoking dates set you up with Generic Wax Man who looks like a really bad copy of Tom Brady and Tom Cruise in a blender.

The game makes you suspend any real expectations. My person starts out working once every so often at a clothing store needing a day job, or so the app tells me, yet she affords a top Hollywood publicist at in reality anywhere from $5,000-12,000 per month or more. Her new manager finds her modeling and TV work easily without knowing anyone in Hollywood and did I mention she works at a clothing store? One she doesn't own? How does one become an overnight success doing so? Why is she riding the bus? Isn't that dangerous in much of LA? What about a bicycle or roughed up pickup truck? Very normcore pickup truck? I don't get that at all. Any of this. My character gets called all day long by the publicist, manager and Kim Kardashian. Because you know Kim would go out of her way to make a random girl she met on the sidewalk famous and rich *sarcasm*. In this game, you meet Kim outside the shop and open it for her. Wow. 

The game unlike Episode, which I last reviewed, doesn't smash my face down like a French bulldog. This character sort of looks like me. But alas, you're talking about me, who in real life looks like an actual bobblehead play doll/cartoon person with round cheeks and only a slim lower face to save her. Sarah Palin may have seen Russia from her house. She could also seen my cheeks and bobblehead at that distance.  Keep this in perspective. Your character may not look like you if you resemble a normal person.

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The only realistic thing about this game is I would really wear this outfit and my head really is that big in comparison to my body despite measuring an average circumference for wearing hats.  I heart green shoes.

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The game suggests you spend $100 real US dollars to buy fake money. I may be stupid enough to think McDonald's fries are a guilty pleasure of mine and won't affect my pants size if I keep eating them. I'm not stupid enough to do THAT. I hope you aren't.

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For $50 real US dollars monthly, you could buy virtual clothes to keep virtual paparazzi interested in you. ON SALE. The regular price is $100. Or you could buy human clothes at a store and wear them. I don't know about you. I enjoy real human clothes for the same value. Maybe I'm old fashioned.