"Ocean's 8" Is...The Trailer? Extended? Yeah

Playing the detective slamming you shut in a room, where the cops behind me see me interrogating you, I have a few questions to ask.

1) How do you feel about Sandra Bullock playing an older Miss Congeniality if she were Danny Ocean (George Clooney)’s sister and sort of how she acts being interviewed as Sandra Bullock on the red carpet?

2) Do you like a bunch of actresses playing caricatures of themselves, if they weren’t actresses?

3) Did the trailer for Ocean’s 8 leave so much mystery, you said, “I wonder what happens in the movie? I’m dumb enough to be a Minion?”

4) How do you feel about unnecessary remakes? Get real. Clooney remade Ocean’s 11 41 years after the Frank Sinatra original. Steven Soderbergh remade his own 2001 remake into an all women’s heist after only 17 years and 11 years post-Ocean’s 13. By now, the franchise is pretty dried up in ideas.

5) How do you like unnecessary cameos by social media celebrities like -ashian people and some fashion folks?

6) Is your sole motivation for watching Ocean’s 8 … because Rihanna is pretty?

7) Are you watching Ocean’s 8 because you want to see an all female cast do a heist movie with little plot because they happen to be women? Because that’s cool and all. Though never will it make up for movies challenging women as actresses where they could, like, win, like, Oscars and stuff. Or prove points. Make points. Change the course of historical thinking. Nah, heist movie. The women in this movie don’t have room to work their acting skills.

8) Haha, oh the eighth question for Ocean’s 8! Would you watch a movie only for the really cool editing? Because it’s pretty good. Someone needs an award for the editing. 100 percent un-sarcastic, the editing is the best part of the film.

You’re free to go on bail and watch Ocean’s 8, if you dare.

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